Happy Birthday, Mom!

Two recent studies have looked at how much people are connected to their moms. One was regarding the number of people who had recently talked with her, and the other was regarding who Americans spend the most time on the phone with...I was suprised at how many people have so much contact with their moms.

I was born to a mother who I considered amazing and wonderful and sweet. We were extremely poor and she had 9 children in 12 years, (one of which died at the age of 3). I always interpretted her disconnection from her children as a result of all her trials..I always loved her and cared for her. Her ability to be disconnected from her children left us to make our own decisions about life at very early ages...we were very capable kids and took care of ourselves pretty well, but definately got into more trouble than most kids were allowed to get into...At some point my mother's disconnection from her children and her husband, and my father's busy work schedule that kept him disconnected from our family, and my parent's inability to secure housing for us, left my siblings and I, on our own. We were familiar with making our own decisions, so the next step of finding places to live seemed natural..I was young, about 12 when I started bouncing back and forth between Wanda and Kevin's house and my parent's house. In the fall of my Sophmore year of high school, I was back in my parents house, and they decided to move 8 hours away...we had moved often, so that was no suprise, but they did not plan to take the 4 older kids with them this time..they left and we had a month to stay in the house before the lease was up. Eventually, after bouncing around again, I ended up in Wanda and Kevin's house.

I always called Wanda, "Wanda", despite her suggesting I call her "mom". I always felt that someday I would be connected to my own mother, and when that day happened, I wouldn't want my biological mom to feel sad that I called Wanda, "mom"...I did call Wanda and Kevin my foster parents, for lack of any other good explanation when people asked who I lived with. I kept the hope alive that I would one day be reunited with my own mother and that she would be able to connect with me and we would have a family again. Through all of this hope I have kept alive, through all these years of me waiting for my own mother and I to connect, let me tell you about Wanda...

When I moved in with her, she had 5 children. (2 were step, but she thought of them as hers) She eventually had 3 more children. 8 children, plus me! (after I was married, she adopted a ninth daughter, Jen) Our home was very warm, and very friendly. She was always available for me, no matter what time of day it was. She was always faithful, and polite. She always looked beautiful. The house was always clean and she was always smiling. She was, by every definition, my mom. She worried for me, she prayed for me, she punished me, she loved me. She even knew that I liked strawberries and not cherries on my crepes! She knew to buy me brown eyeliner when mine ran out. She made sure my bras fit right and my shampoo was restocked. She did my laundry and fed me. She helped me with teenager problems (even the pimples)...all the while I called her "wanda", I continued to reserve the title "mom" for my own mother, who I was sure would one day want to be my mom. I continued to look to Wanda as she showed me the kind of woman I hoped to be one day.

As I started having babies, she was always there. She would fly or drive great distances to be there when I would deliver. (My own "mom" called 1 week after my second child was born to say that she heard I had a baby, she lived 2 hours away)
Wanda immediately took the role of grandmother (despite only being 35 or 36 years old!!) She loves each and every one of my children as if they were her own. She can tell you more about them than most people. She truely loves them. And they truely love her. She always remembers their birthdays (usually before I do!!) and always has such creative things to do for them, (I am a little hesitant about the frog aquarium for David's bedroom, but I am sure it will be great!!)

She is mother to 10, Grandmother to soon to be 14, mother in law to 7, aunt to many, sister to 4, and she still has time to show concern and keep up with my 8 siblings, their spouses and all our 30+ children...she is the very definition of mother.

In thinking about those recent studies of how many people are in contact with their moms, my initial reaction was kind of sad that I didn't know what it was like to have a mom, then I immediately realized that I can be numbered amoung those in close contact with their moms. Depite Wanda having a full time job and such a huge family to keep up with, a week doesn't go by where she and I don't communicate somehow. She talks to me for hours if I am in need, and she continues to teach me through her faith and love each and every day.

This post has been long over due. I had lunch with Wanda on Monday to celebrate her birthday, she was babysitting her granddaughter. We talked about how I was doing the whole time...only a mother is happy to spend her only day off, and her birthday lunch boosting one of her daughter's spirits while babysitting her other daughter's child. I just want to say to you, Wanda, I love you, and Happy Birthday, MOM!!